contradiction.

I learned something about myself today. I have been angry at someone for the past few weeks about something that I have ALWAYS done. I have always been the kind of person who has a hard time living in the moment. I always want to know what is going to happen in my life, how I will be effected by something, how it's going to work out... I over-analyze rather than just wait it out and live my life in peace.

Someone has made me question a particular part of my life that I treasure. A part of my life that I know I'm going to have to put on the shelf for a while as I serve my mission. Someone has said that it is pointless for me too keep this treasure in my life because it is not going to be there when I'm on my mission, and I should just let go of it now and spare myself the hardship of letting go later on.

Now, the old me would have taken this comment and over-analyzed it and eventually given in, because it would be easier and it would make my "future" more clear. The new me (who I didn't realize existed until today) has been battling this unwanted advice for a few weeks. I have been telling myself that this is what I want "right now." Why should I give it up when it makes me happy, and I don't have to let go until later? Since when did I become so chill? ;)

I realized today that as a member of the church, we constantly need to be focused on the end result, and endure to the end. But that doesn't mean that we have to forget about what is going on right at this moment. In fact we must always remember to keep focusing on what is happening right now in order to be faithful and true. I know that I have several years of life awaiting me, but I know that right now, right now at this moment, I have something that I want. I shouldn't have to let it go until I'm ready.